Living Teal

A broken heart, Teaches you that you cannot control everything.  That what you deemed impossible to happen can happen.  That change is part of life.  That however much you resist, you will move on. That you are stronger than you thought you were. That you are more vulnerable than you thought you were. That you can feel. Feel the greys and blues, and get drenched into them completely. Soaked head to foot, like you never knew you could. That some people will always be there in your life no matter how loathsome you become. That some friendships will get stronger than they ever were. That you will learn things about yourself that you always knew,  But forgot, in the inebriations of love. That you have a life apart from the person who you thought was your life. That you have gifts, talents that matter more than anything else should. That people come above it all. And taking them for granted is a second mistake you will never commit. That you will eventually see clear thro...

I have always been into art. But could never identify myself as an artist. Because those were the ones who could sketch a perfect portrait. Or colour a real life scenery to the finest of detail. I on the other hand, mostly just had an eye for art, that had no rules. Which was abstract and flowing. More bohemian than modern. More form than function. And to me somehow, Art has never been liberating. But rather burdening. Making me feel like a liar, an outcast. Someone who has been hiding their true colours when in a pool of engineers. And at the same time I was someone who distanced herself from the artists. As they always appeared un-relatable and different. This is what I call being stuck between two worlds. Never fully here, never fully there. Floating somewhere in the void. You could call me a jack of all traits and master of none. And I have had big time commitment issues throughout my life. I would always want some thing really bad. Like a book or a gadget. And would feel that it c...

Its been quite a week in the tech world. And I am writing this one on a Wednesday night, because "I no longer have enough in the tank" (thankyou Jacinda) , to wait for it to end. Layoffs continued through the weekend, and it gave me a reality check on life, and a check on my privilege. As I didn't have any home loan EMIs, medical bills or school fee to pay just yet.  However, I was surprised to see myself stuck in that rabbit hole of worrying about whats next, once the layoff season kicked off. Because on most days, I am too proud and full of artistic arrogance to bury myself in the day to day pursuits of adulthood - like taxes and insurances. And on the other, I know that I am not new to these uncertainties, thanks to my prior experience in the startup world. Where oscillating between the opposite ends of likelihood, from "we are very close to getting funded" to "Sorry we are bankrupt, and cant pay your bonuses." is very much prevalent. However it was...

It had been an eventful 2022. I got married! It took me 6 months to prepare for the when, the where, the whose-who & the how of it. And then, just in a blink and 4 days, I got married to the love of my life. I feel so grateful, for life to be this generous to me. I wish though, I expressed it more often. Spending a lifetime with a person who likes you for who you are is not just a gift, but also a part of our purpose.  Getting married changed things for me. Initially, I was hit by the inertia that had set everything in motion and I found myself rolling along with it, hitting one corner to the other. Suddenly I had to be the most responsible and perfect married woman out there. And I could only see myself failing. Making home cooked dinners was something I always wanted to do, and so was getting full authority over the kitchen. But I found that I was much slower than I liked and couldn't find time for anything else after it. I was also unable to maintain a squeaky clean house, a...

When you have a feel good 90s theme combined with some mellow acoustic guitar soundtrack and a small town plot line, you know that it's gonna be a good comfort TV show. But Gilmore girls is a lot more than just that. Loaded with tons of diverse pop culture references and witty monologues in flamboyant vocabulary, the show stands out because of its persistent theme to portray women at their unfiltered, unprejudiced best.  Meet Emily Gilmore, the headstrong matriarch of the Gilmore household, mother and grandmother to Lorelai Gilmores. Emily's character can be easily judged to be that of an overtly strict and bothersome woman who wouldn't think twice remarking on the right way to do things. When she says "No walnuts in salads" she means- "No walnuts in salads."! From table manners and proper drinking etiquettes to who Lorelai should and shouldn't date, Emily shares a strong opinion on everything.  We eventually learn though, that it is often with the b...

Being a woman is so darn difficult.  'Beauty with brains' - as if finding one with another is a rarity. 'Women empowerment' - as if we needed to be empowered. 'Career oriented woman' - because that is so against the norm. My mum is a 'working woman'. I have seen her run all her life. After coming back from work, most days she would go straight into the kitchen to cook dinner and wouldn't have the time to even wash her face. With 2 kids at home, she did it all. When she was pregnant with me, she recalls that she had to travel by the bus to reach her school, where she might have to teach continuously for hours without even getting water to drink. Naturally, she seldom got time to take care of herself. Finding time for parlours and kitty parties was hard. But somehow she still managed it all. But where is the credit where credit is due?  We want our daughters to study, but we don't want them to work. If we want our wives to work, we still want want ...